


Hard to Define

by mrsfrisby



Series: Till There Was You [2]
Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: Crew as Family, Established Relationship, M/M, SO MUCH FLUFF, drunk Kallus, really nosy but loving family, relationship labels, saying "I love you", sharing a life together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-06
Updated: 2017-05-07
Packaged: 2018-10-28 20:54:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10839264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mrsfrisby/pseuds/mrsfrisby
Summary: A night of drinking leads to a whole world of misunderstanding. Kallus and Zeb have been together for months following Zero Hour, but can they come to terms with what they really mean to each other?





	1. Chapter 1

His glass sloshed as he plunked it down on the table, and he shook his head vehemently. Because although he’d never given it a single thought before that moment, Kallus outright rejected the term _boyfriend _.__

__“We are neither boys, nor are we merely friends,” he told Sabine, his chin propped up by one hand._ _

__“Right,” she said, pouring him another glass of amber liquid. “So you’re _menlovers _, is that it?”___ _

____After a long swig of the drink, Kallus said, “Must we label it? Must there be a word to describe every single type of relationship in the galaxy? Some are simply too complex to quantify in such a way.”_ _ _ _

____“Some are,” Sabine replied. “Yours isn’t. He’s your boyfriend.”_ _ _ _

____A long groan escaped from Kallus. Sabine was, without question, the most frustrating Mandalorian on any planet in the system. Which, it went without saying, was a matter of overachievement on her part._ _ _ _

____Yet he had missed her particular brand of frustrating terribly when she’d gone back to her clan for so long. So terribly, in fact, that he agreed to an evening of catching up over alcoholic beverages._ _ _ _

____The door opened to the mess hall and Kallus could hear Zeb’s distinctive footsteps behind him. He’d discovered over the last few months that his senses were attuned to Garazeb Orrelios in a way they’d never been to any other living being. The way he tasted, the way he smelled, the nap of his fur, even the sound of his footfalls._ _ _ _

____“Be right back!” he told Sabine, throwing back the rest of his drink. When he stood up, however, it took a moment to steady himself._ _ _ _

____“What did you say this stuff was?” he asked, holding up his glass._ _ _ _

____“I didn’t,” she replied, taking a long draught of her own beverage and not offering up any further information._ _ _ _

____He shrugged and made his way to his…well, he really didn’t know what to call him. His Zeb, he supposed._ _ _ _

____“You’re back!” Kallus said, draping his arms around Zeb._ _ _ _

____“And you’re drunk,” Zeb told him._ _ _ _

____“No!” Kallus protested. “I’ve never been intoxicated in my entire life.” His head swayed a little on his neck. “And I’m certainly not planning to start tonight.”_ _ _ _

____Zeb shook his head indulgently. “What have you and Sabine been drinking?” he asked._ _ _ _

____Kallus gestured with his hand unevenly. “Some kind of Mandalorian liquor,” he told Zeb. “It starts off bitter, but then goes down with startling warmth.”_ _ _ _

____“Kallus, we have enough for one last shot,” Sabine called from across the room. She was holding up the bottle without the slightest hint of swaying or uneven balance._ _ _ _

____“She outdrank you, mate,” Zeb told him. “By a lot.”_ _ _ _

____Kallus took Zeb’s face between his hands. “Why are you so very serious tonight?”_ _ _ _

____In response Zeb barked out a laugh. “Here’s a tip,” he replied. “Never, ever get into a drinking contest with a Mandalorian.”_ _ _ _

____“Because she’ll give you odd things to drink?” Kallus asked, looking slightly confused._ _ _ _

____“Because you’ll lose.” When Kallus saw the crooked smile his friend gave him, he swooned just a little bit. And not just on the inside. He actually stumbled over his own feet._ _ _ _

____“Karabast, I love your smile,” Kallus said._ _ _ _

____“You use that word now like you know what it means,” Zeb laughed again._ _ _ _

____“Well, until you actually give me a precise translation, I have to rely on context clues to figure it out,” Kallus replied, swaying slightly once again. “And I am fully capable of inferring the meaning of words, you know.”_ _ _ _

____With a ruffle of his hair, Zeb said, “You’re fully drunk is what you are. Thought you were on duty tonight?”_ _ _ _

____Kallus shrugged. “Hera said I’ve been working too much and need a night off,” he replied. “So Sabine and I came up with a plan. I’d rather have had a night off with you, but you weren’t back yet.”_ _ _ _

____Zeb had been assigned a perimeter run of the base and the surrounding area of Yavin 4. Nothing dangerous, of course, but it kept him away from Kallus for many long hours._ _ _ _

____“Hera gave you the night off?” Zeb laughed. “You’ve really turned into her little pet, haven’t you?”_ _ _ _

____Straightening to his full height to add a certain dignity to his words, Kallus replied, “Hera and I have a healthy respect for each other’s abilities. Which has lead to a friendship.” He shook his head. “I am nobody’s pet.”_ _ _ _

____This just made Zeb smile at him._ _ _ _

____But it was true! He wasn’t her _pet_. He had worked hard to earn her trust, that’s all. He provided her with the information she needed about the Empire and she provided him direction in finding his place in the Rebellion. Besides, they were more alike than either of them would have guessed. They both were tactical thinkers. They planned. They knew when to keep their knowledge close to the hip and when to share it. It should have surprised no one that they became such good friends._ _ _ _

____And with Sabine gone most of the time and Kanan and Ezra persistently maintaining a civil but safe distance from him, all he really had were Zeb and Hera. It often amused and astounded him that after all his years with the Empire, the people he cared most about in the universe were a Lasat, a Twi’lek, and a Mandalorian._ _ _ _

____Well, and Chopper of course. Kallus still couldn’t decide it if was good or bad sign that the homicidal maniac of an astromech had taken such a liking to him, though._ _ _ _

____Zeb simply found it hilarious._ _ _ _

____But then Zeb found so many things hilarious. He was able to find reasons to laugh even in the darkest of times. And Kallus loved that about him. Loved it!_ _ _ _

____“I’ve had more fun since I’ve known you than I ever had in my entire life before,” Kallus said, not fully aware that he’d just completely changed the subject. “Even when I was a little boy.”_ _ _ _

____Zeb ran his fingers down Kallus’s arm. “So you’re saying I’m a good time?”_ _ _ _

____“I’m saying you’re the best time,” he replied._ _ _ _

____His boyfriend, lover, partner— _whatever_ he was—pulled him in and kissed him thoroughly._ _ _ _

____“I thought we were having one last drink?” Sabine called out behind him. Kallus reached back an arm to wave her away, but didn’t break the kiss._ _ _ _

____“Just want to point out that ditching your friend as soon as your boyfriend strolls in is really bad form, Kallus,” she replied._ _ _ _

____He pulled away from Zeb just long enough to send back a muffled, “He’s not my boyfriend!”_ _ _ _

____But then Zeb pulled much further away, which was not at all the natural order of things. “I’m not?” he asked. The crooked smile was gone and his ears had tipped backward._ _ _ _

____“No, you’re not,” Kallus replied._ _ _ _

____“Okay,” Zeb said, drawing out the word more than usual. “Then what are we?”_ _ _ _

____Kallus squinted at him, deep in thought. “I don’t know,” he admitted. “But definitely not boyfriends.”_ _ _ _

____It was the tip of Kallus’s tongue, the explanation of how much he hated that word and how inadequate it was as a description of what they had, but he suddenly felt ill._ _ _ _

____Incredibly, horrifically ill._ _ _ _

____His eyes began to blacken over even though they were still open and his very knees buckled underneath him._ _ _ _

____A strong arm caught him before he fell, then suddenly he was in motion. Kallus couldn’t open his eyes anymore, but he found it didn’t matter. He could still smell Zeb. Feel that beautiful velvet fur. Hear his footfalls._ _ _ _

____And that meant everything was going to all right._ _ _ _

____* * *_ _ _ _

____Zeb had carried Kallus’s dead weight before, but the last time it happened they were in an underground cave on an ice moon and were in danger of being eaten alive. Turns out you could find stores of strength when not becoming dinner was at stake._ _ _ _

____When your life’s not in danger and the man you thought was…well, Zeb guessed it didn’t bear thinking about at that moment. There’d be time enough to dwell on the fact that the man he’d thought he was in a serious relationship didn’t seem to feel the same way._ _ _ _

____They weren’t boyfriends. Kallus said didn’t know what they were._ _ _ _

____And as he’d told Kallus the last time Zeb’d carried him, he was heavier than he looked._ _ _ _

____“Hmpf,” Zeb grunted to himself. “How the hell did this happen?”_ _ _ _

____A mumbled response startled him. “S’my fault,” Kallus said into his shoulder. “Shouldn’t’ve drunk so much.”_ _ _ _

____Kallus’s forehead dipped further down and nestled into the fur on Zeb’s neck. In the months they’d been together, the man in his arms had definitely developed a passion for purple fur. Kallus was always digging his fingers through the short fuzz on Zeb’s back or nuzzling his nose and lips against his neck and chest. Zeb hadn’t thought that humans were into stuff like fur, purple or otherwise. Most of them didn’t even seem to like body hair on each other from what he could tell. But to be fair, Kallus was kind of an unusual human._ _ _ _

____It wasn’t until that very night that Zeb had begun to wonder if maybe unusual wasn’t such a good thing after all. For that matter, probably getting involved with a former spy wasn’t his smartest move either. Even after all this time, there were still moments when Zeb had a hard time reading Kallus’s face._ _ _ _

____And now look at them._ _ _ _

____Pausing only to hit the switch to their room, Zeb got his…whatever he was…inside and onto their bunk. It was much larger now than it was when he and Kal first started sharing it since Zeb had joined the two bunks in the room to form something that fit their combined bulk better. But there hadn’t been a single night since Kallus joined their crew that they hadn’t slept in the same space together._ _ _ _

____Which meant this was the very first time Zeb had even considered sleeping without his arms around Kallus. He was considering it pretty strongly at that moment._ _ _ _

____After all, he could head out, just for the night anyway. He could sleep in one of the seats on the bridge. Give himself a little room to think._ _ _ _

____Then Kallus reached out a hand to him, saying, “Need you, Zeb.”_ _ _ _

____Zeb always found it really, really hard to resist the man laid out before him. Even when he was barely conscious. Even when it’d become clear in a single second that Kallus had to power to break Zeb’s heart into a million pieces without a whole lot of effort._ _ _ _

____“You’ve got me, Kal,” he replied as he hit the lightswitch._ _ _ _

____He crawled into the bunk and wrapped his arms around Kallus. Honestly, Zeb couldn’t actually imagine sleeping any other way at this point. He just loved the guy so much._ _ _ _

____It made him almost sick to his stomach to think that Kallus might not feel the same way. He wanted to think that he was just overreacting, but he’d heard too humans talk about how alcohol brought out a person’s true feelings. Whether it was a grudge they’d been holding or lust they’d been feeling about someone, it all came out when they were drunk._ _ _ _

____Now he was faced with the possibility that after months together (and the best months of his entire life at that), Kallus was finally showing Zeb how he truly felt._ _ _ _

____The more he thought it about, the more it made an ugly kind of sense. Zeb was the one who’d agreed so readily to them living together when Hera suggested it. He was also the one who fixed the bunks into one larger bed so they could have a little more space. Even the mural that Sabine painted of them huddled together on the ice moon that hovered over their bunk was his idea._ _ _ _

____Never once had Kallus been the one to initiate a new step in their relationship._ _ _ _

____Zeb closed his eyes and tried to think of something else. Anything else, really. Because it was possible that everything he’d built up in his head about how Kallus felt about him and what the future might bring could’ve been all in his head this whole time._ _ _ _

____And strong as he was, the thought of that was more than he could take._ _ _ _

____With a contented groan, Kallus snuggled in even closer, and no part of Zeb even wanted to stop him. All he wanted was for what he had with Kallus to never end. Well, and he wanted Kal not to have had so much to drink that they couldn’t just talk this through right here and now._ _ _ _

____Tomorrow. He’d just have to figure it all out tomorrow._ _ _ _


	2. Chapter 2

Kallus woke up with a horrible, mucking taste in his mouth and a piercing pain behind his eyes when he tried to open then.

Much worse still, Zeb wasn’t in bed with him anymore. This was surprising because even in this sickened state, Kallus knew they both had the morning off. They’d planned it this way, carefully arranging shifts so that this one morning, at least, they could linger in bed together.

Which made Zeb’s absence all the more puzzling. Perhaps he’d just gone for a quick trip to get some rations, Kallus reasoned. When he turned over in bed, though, he realized that Zeb’s side was cold. He’d been gone for a while.

Kallus hit the light switch and winced in pain as the brightness hit his eyes. He’d never felt so wretched in his entire life.

On the shelf beside their bunk sat a huge canteen, a ration bar, and two pills. While Kallus feared his stomach might rebel if he ate the bar, he happily swallowed down the pills with huge gulps of water. It made that strange, aching feeling in his chest rise up again (as it had so many times since they’d been together) to know that while Zeb might not be here, he was still taking care of him. 

He waited in bed for some time, assuming that Zeb was going to return and their lingering morning was still very much in the works. But after a whole hour, Kallus grew confused. Then concerned. He stood up far too quickly, his head spinning. Fighting back to urge to rid his stomach of whatever contents it still held, and not even bothering to change out of yesterday’s clothes, he opened the door to their quarters and stumbled out in search of Garazeb Orrelios.

Instead, he bumped almost immediately into Sabine.

“How are you feeling?” she asked.

He gave her a wary glance. “Why are you always giving me mind-altering substances?” he said.

“Why are you always taking them?” she countered. “I understood from our discussion last night that you were a man not a boy.”

A man and not a boy. Not boyfriends. 

Everything he said the night before came rushing back to him. And with it came the realization that he might have implied…that Zeb might….

“Where’s Zeb?” he demanded.

“He requested another perimeter run,” Sabine told him. “But Hera ordered him to just go for a walk to clear his head.”

“Karabast,” Kallus said under his breath. 

“Definitely,” Sabine agreed. 

He pushed past her and into the bridge of the ghost. “Where did he go?”

Hera looked up calmly from some adjustments she was making to the thruster switches.

“Are you in love with him?” she asked.

“What kind of a question is that?” Kallus retorted. “I just need to know where he went.”

“Are. You. In. Love. With. Him?” she repeated, dragging out her words.

“Of course I am!” he blurted out. 

Hera nodded. “Then I’m only going to tell you if you promise to tell him that,” she informed him. “Otherwise, I’m considering his current location to be classified information.”

Kallus grunted in frustration. “You’re my friend as much as his, you know!” he said. “Why are you so quick to assume I’ve done something wrong?”

As flustered as he was, though, Hera was completely unmoved. “I am your friend,” she replied. “I’m his as well. And you have done something wrong.”

“It was just a misunderstanding,” Kallus told her.

“One that you need to clear up,” she said. 

He honestly didn’t know what to say. How could he just march out into the jungle and declare his love for Zeb? Would Zeb even want that? It’s not like he’d ever said those words to Kallus. And given that Zeb had been the first to move forward with every other part of their relationship, wouldn’t he have already said those words, too, if he’d wanted to?

“Karabast,” Kallus said, realizing his own faulty reasoning. “I have to make this right.”

For a moment, she gave him an assessing glance. “He went out to the temple in the western quadrant,” she said. “If you take a speeder bike, you’ll reach him faster.”

With only a quick nod, Kallus left the room and went to check out a speeder. Within minutes, he was zipping through jungle on the Yavin 4 on his way to find Zeb. 

Yes, he had to stop to throw up over the side of the bike. Twice. But he knew what he had to do, and nothing—not nausea, not the blinding pain of the morning sun—were going to stop him.

* * *

When Zeb heard a twig crack behind him, he turned abruptly, ready to confront an enemy if need be but hoping it was Kallus.

Instead, Ezra stepped out of the trees.

“What’re you doing here?” Zeb asked.

“I came to see if you’re okay.”

“I’ve been better,” Zeb admitted. “But if you came all the way out here to issue an _I told you so _about Kallus, you better turn right back around, Ezra.”__

__His friend looked hurt. “Why would I do that?” Ezra asked. “I only wanted to check in on you. You know, because you’re my friend.”_ _

__Zeb shook his head. “Sorry, mate,” he replied. “It’s just…it’s just that you’ve always disliked Kallus so I was afraid you’d come to gloat.”_ _

__“First of all, I don’t dislike Kallus,” Ezra said._ _

__Zeb shot him a disbelieving look._ _

__“Okay, I used to dislike him,” Ezra conceded. “But he’s one of us now. And he makes you happy.” Ezra paused like he was looking for just the right words to say. What he finally came up with completely surprised Zeb. “Look, the guy is clearly in love with you. And you’re in love with him. How could I hate him knowing that?”_ _

__That statement was more than Zeb could process right then. “I don’t know how you’re so sure he’s in love with me when he doesn’t seem sure about it himself,” he replied._ _

__“Just because he’s never said the words doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel that way,” Ezra countered. “Have you told him that you love him?”_ _

__“Go away, Ezra,” he said, frustrated, as he kept walking._ _

__“You’re mad because you know I’m right,” Ezra called behind him._ _

__And, yeah, he was right. That didn’t mean Zeb was willing to admit that out loud, though._ _

__Because it was true: Zeb had never once said the words _I love you _to Kallus. He’d always been afraid to, if he was being completely honest with himself. Every time he had the words on the tip of his tongue, he’d panic. Zeb couldn’t take the chance that Kallus wouldn’t say it back to him. He couldn’t risk pushing Kallus away.___ _

____“Karabast,” he said under his breath. “How did this turn into such a mess?”_ _ _ _

____If there was an answer to that one, though, Zeb certainly didn’t have it. So he just kept walking. Somehow the thought of standing still just made everything worse. He walked until his feet started to hurt and the humidity started to mat his fur._ _ _ _

____He walked until he heard someone approaching from behind on a speeder bike. Then he turned, ready to throttle Ezra for not leaving him the hell alone._ _ _ _


	3. Chapter 3

Kallus had done a lot of thinking as well his fair share of getting sick as he searched for Zeb. By the time he slowed the speeder to a stop his head was ready to explode and he had already sworn to himself four times to never had a drop of alcohol again in his entire life. But he could see a swatch of purple fur in the distance now, so it was all worth it. There were things he had to tell Zeb, and he didn’t want to wait another minute longer to do it. 

Yes, he didn’t feel well. But he realized that part of it was nerves. He was worried sick that he’d upset Zeb, and he was outright panicked that what he was about to do was going to be met with derision. Only a very tiny vein of hope kept him going.

That is until Zeb stopped in his tracks and yelled without turning to face him, “Karabast! Can’t a Lasat have a second to himself?”

Kallus froze on the speeder. To be sure, he had not expected a warm welcome considering what he thought was going through Zeb’s head. This was much worse than anything he’d imagined though.

“I’m sorry,” he called to Zeb. “I’ll…I’ll give you some space.”

Zeb turned on his toes, his ears tipped back and surprise written all over his face. “What are you doing here?” he asked. “I thought you were Ezra again.”

Ezra? If Ezra had already out here talking with Zeb, Kallus could be in bigger trouble than he thought. “No, it’s me,” he said in a smaller voice. “But I can leave. It’s just….”

Their eyes met through the trees. “It’s just what?” Zeb asked.

Kallus swallowed hard. “We have to talk later, all right?” he replied. “I have…I have some things that I really need to say to you.”

He watched as Zeb’s shoulders sank. “Then why don’t you just get it over with now,” he said. “No use waiting, is there?”

This was going all wrong. How did Kallus always manage to make everything go awry so quickly? The small hope he had carried with into the jungle was quickly fading, but no matter what the outcome, he was going to say what he needed to say. He could deal with the aftermath, well, after.

“Okay, then,” he began, but then he couldn’t figure out what to say next. “Last night I think we had a misunderstanding.”

“I think we might have been misunderstanding each other for longer than just one night,” Zeb said heavily. “So let’s just get this out in the open.”

“Yes, let’s,” Kallus said. With one clumsy movement, he finally disembarked from the speeder and made his way to Zeb. “When I said that we weren’t boyfriends, I just meant that I just don’t like to use that word to describe us.”

“You didn’t seem to like using any word to describe us last night,” Zeb replied, his eyes on the ground. The hurt in his voice made Kallus’s heart stutter. He couldn’t believe he’d done this to Zeb.

“It’s just that _boyfriends_ seems so trivial,” Kallus continued. “Like what we have doesn’t matter because it’s childish and not…not real.”

When Zeb didn’t look at him or reply in any way, he kept stumbling his way through his explanation.

“I didn’t know what to call us,” Kallus said. “There wasn’t anything that felt adequate to describe how I feel about you.”

Finally Zeb looked up. “And how is it that you feel about me?”

This was it: Kallus’s big chance to put everything to right. He just had to get the words out of his stupid mouth without throwing up or passing out.

“I love you,” he told Zeb. “I love you so much. And I’m sorry I didn’t say it before and I’m sorry that I hurt you. But I’ve never been happier in my entire life. And that’s all because of you.”

First Zeb started to move, and then Kallus. They met halfway. 

“I love you, too,” Zeb told him. “I was just afraid…I mean, I was scared to tell you because I didn’t want to overwhelm you. I’ve never had anything like this before. And I didn’t want to risk losing it.”

Kallus smiled and ran his fingers through the fur on Zeb’s neck. He really couldn’t fathom how other humans settled for touching mere skin when they could have this textural feast. 

“I threw up twice on the way here,” he told Zeb. “But I’m going to kiss you anyway.”

With a hearty laugh, Zeb leaned in and they kissed, long and soft and achingly perfect.

“You’ve definitely tasted better,” Zeb told him. “Maybe you should lay off the Mandalorian whisky.”

“I solemnly promise never to drink it again,” Kallus replied. “But there is something else we need to talk about before we, uh, get back to ignoring my bad breath.”

“And what’s that?” Zeb asked, running his fingers through Kallus’s hair.

“It’s about what we should call this,” Kallus said. “I mean, call us.”

He could feel Zeb’s shoulders tensing up. “We don’t have to use a label if you don’t want to,” he said to Kallus. “We can just….”

Kallus put a finger over Zeb’s lips. “No, I want to,” Kallus interrupted. “And I think I finally discovered the right word.”

“What’s that?”

With a single deep breath, Kallus let out the words he most wanted to say. “Betrothed. I want you to be my betrothed, and I…” 

Kallus dropped to one knee before Zeb. “I have no idea how this worked on Lasan,” he said. “But on Coruscant, when you ask someone to marry you, you get down on one knee and….”

Zeb’s eyes widened. “You want to marry me?” he asked.

“Very much so, yes.”

A silence followed that was awkward at first and grew very quickly to be painful. Zeb wasn’t answering. Maybe it was too soon to ask? Maybe Zeb didn’t want to marry anyone at all, let alone him. It’s not like they’d ever talked about it before. Kallus had taken him completely by surprise.

The morning was really not going according to plan. Kallus began to rise off his knee, but Zeb’s hand touched his shoulder keeping him in place. 

“I haven’t given you my answer yet, Kal,” he said in a low voice.

Their eyes met. “So give me your answer,” Kallus said.

“Karabast, of course I’ll marry you!” Zeb said. He grabbed Kallus up onto his feet and wrapped those strong arms around him. 

“So,” Kallus said, pressing his forehead to Zeb’s.

“So.”

“Not boyfriends then?”

“I don’t know why you even considered using that terrible word to describe us, Kal,” Zeb joked.

“Glad you set me to rights,” Kallus said with a small laugh.

Kallus looked at Zeb. His betrothed. He knew they didn’t have a smooth road ahead of them. They were at war, after all, and no one knew better than he did what they were up against with the Empire. The battle on Lothal loomed in the very near future. He wasn’t foolish enough to think there wasn’t a risk that they’d lose each other during that fight, or in another after that. But there was nothing he wanted more than to join his life to Zeb’s and share every moment they had with each other.

“You’re my betrothed,” Kallus said under his breath.

“Or, you know, we could just say we’re engaged,” Zeb replied. “Probably more people would know what we’re actually talking about then. Less confusion.”

With a laugh, Kallus said, “I can work with less confusion under the circumstances.”

They walked back to the speeder bike hand in hand. There was still a little time for at least a little time in bed, after all. And neither of them were types not to want to linger for as long as they could together.

**Author's Note:**

> A little continuation of Worth the Wait...a little more Kallus high on foreign substances. Kudos and comments always more than welcome!


End file.
